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[04 May 2006|04:18pm]

I'm so in love. period.

Til my Hearts Worthless

[18 Jan 2006|10:56pm]
well its my birthday this saturday... and im excited.

friday im hoping will my fun. im chilling with all my boys, jordan, cody, jake, ahmad, nick r., and all of themm (and whomever wants to).. and then my girlss<33 idk what we're doing 4 sure, but its me and codys b-day sat. so we're getting crunkk on friday. :)

i am kinda sad tho. b/c brodys going out of town this wkend.. and it sucks b/c the main person i would love to spend my birthday with wont even be here.. and i prob. wont see him tomorrow b/c he wont seem to make an effort right now to see me,.. so itll be 6days b/4 i see him more than likely.. and im kinda disappointed b/ci looked forward to it.. it was like a 1yr anniversary thing,.. b/c i spent my b-day with him last yr too. Buttt its all good.. i think im just more sad i cant spend it with the only person i wanted to. but hes going to see his friend up at WCU. and hes leaving friday morning and coming back sunday morning.. but has to work 10-9 :(. and then monday-friday we both have school.. and then he works.. so YAY!!! i wont get a good whole day until he either has off work or next wkend. but im not going to complain much b/c at least i got him :)<33..... and plus i think im just htinking about what happend after my b-day last yr... the 1st time i evr got fucked ovr by him..and it just makes me nervous knowing hes going to a college..and idnt trust girls.. lol.... but w/e i trust him.. and id hope he wouldnt do nething ovr my b-day. lol plus i got some b/fs up in WCU (although he doesnt noe)... soo ill find out. lol (j/k i trust ya babe)... butt im happy i DEF. get my license back on the 30th.. WOOT WOOT!!

kk gtg

1 more beat Til my Hearts Worthless

[15 Jan 2006|04:10pm]
Here we go againn....:(
Til my Hearts Worthless

[25 Dec 2005|12:19am]

okay so i know sum ppl mite be wondering what happendd ♥♥

Monday i thought me and brody were done. i heard stuff around school, and he was being SO mean to me i just felt so low and that i had lost him. But still, after all the mean things he said i still kept pushing to just talk to him. Finally i got to talk to him online, and we started arguing/talking and everything.. and i told him everything i felt. everything i could to try to convince him that i DO trust him and i DO wna be with him.. and he had nothing to say but 'iloveyou'..and that made me feel on cloud 9. lol. thats all i wanted to hear b/c it had been so long. so i kinda pushed it all behing for a sec. and we talked normally. then he said he was coming ovr to see me.
he shows up in his *new truck* and gives me flowers:) which was indeed sweet. but i was sick of guys tryin to buy forgiveness. but we hung out all night til 100. just acting like nothing happend. and idk. it just meant alot to me. and i asked him at the end of the night about us. and we both love each other, so why be aprt? then he said that he wanted to hang out tuesday. and he PROMISED we would..

tuesday i didnt set my whole night on me and him hanging out, b/c i was still doubting that he would seriously keep the promise, since in the past 'other things' came up. but he did.:) and wat made it better was that @ first he said he wasnt sure b/c i didnt have a ride until later on he could've picked me up. i said ok well do wat u can. so i called brittany and made plans with her.. 30min later he calls and says he found me a ride and that we were going to hang out. so HE made the effort. and i know to ppl that may not be much, but that really meant alot to me :)..

and thursday nitee we decided to hang out b/c we werent sure if we'd be able to get up for christmas and idk. so he and his mom picked me up, and me and him hung out all nite. alone <3 no friends or nething.
anddd friday we went christmas shopping together in the morning.. he dropped me off b/4 he went to work..and i had no plans on seeing him again,.. butt later he called me and asked to hang out. so me and brittany went and rented a hotel with him and trevor. :)<3

and tonightt, christmas eve.. we talked a cppl times, i had asked if he wanted to go to a movie, but he said he was at his aunts and then he was going to hang out with his cousin. i was fine with that.. then he calls back and says to look up the movie times b/c he wanted to go. he gave me my gift which was <b> great </b>  and we saw the movie. :)

idk..i know these things arent a big deal and everyones prob. like "oooh kalli ur dumb ur just falling for his BS".. but the little things from making an effort to find me a ride. or driving all the way ovr just to see me,..and then not hanging out with his cuzin to go to a movie with me.. idk it just means alot to me and makes mee happy.. (not in a selfish way)  i just feel like he really does care about me, and hes not only proving it with words but with actions. hes making the effort these days. <3333 hmmmm this is the best christmas gift ever :) lol


but ne ways MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!

1 more beat Til my Hearts Worthless

[24 Dec 2005|07:49pm]
♥♥♥ this is byfar the best christmas.

no one in this world could describe how i feel about this boy. no one. and idc what ne one says about me and him. i have never cared SO much for someone to where id go to the other end of the world and back for him. and im so glad we workd things out. b/c idk where id be w/o him

brody i wuvss you
1 more beat Til my Hearts Worthless

[17 Dec 2005|03:07pm]
damn.. im so caught up in how i feel its unbearable..

i hurt badly, to know that after all this time, he can just tellme he doesnt wana be friends or talk to me. its cool b/c i cant make someone love me or want to be with me. and all this time thats what i kept trying to do b/c i just wanted to be with him so bad.. and i was scared to lose him. but i cant do that nemore.. i shouldve let him do it the first time he tried,..instead i talked him out of it. and now look what i got.. nothign.. :( i pushed and pushed to keep him by my side,.. and the past times he wanted to be friends..and now,.. thats not what he wants..so i lost that oppurtunity..
and see. i miss him of course. but its not all like that.. i dont really have much to miss b/side the rare times when things were perfect. othe than that, all i have to miss is the little things he did to me that he shouldnt have.. :( and i just regret so much, letting him getting inside of me.. i regret it so bad. b/c i feel like i fell for a guy that was fake the whole time.. b/c the guy i fell for is a guy that was respectful for my feelings and didnt wana hurt me..but now theres this guy that can rip my heart out and know it hurts,..n then on top of that be just hateful to me. idk.. i dnt wana go into detail.. and then i cleaned my room yesterday and little by little i found all these things that reminded me of him.. his cards, gifts, clothes. lol but i havent cried since the other night.. so ive done good.

and then shit happend last night that i cant say.. but it was horrible. and i feel horrible b/c i dk what to do or what to say to the person this betrays...:-\..

how can guys be so decieving and take such advantage of girls and just not even think about the effects it has on the girls whose head ovr heels for. BUTTTT no need for me to weep n wallow b/c its called a breakup b/c its broken. and theres no need to worry,..plenty of guys out there willing to treat me like i should've been.

2 more beats Til my Hearts Worthless

[16 Dec 2005|12:18am]
Til my Hearts Worthless

[15 Dec 2005|09:28pm]
</3 ive been so proud of myself all day,.. i hadnt cried or nething.. but now its hit me... and i cant stop.. he txted me today.. hes so rude/mean i just dont understand how he just lets me go like he did. doesnt care or nething. thats what hurts. b/c i wasted all this time.. and gave up all my heart.. for someone who now seems to have never cared to want it in the first place... i cant stop cryin.. b/c i cant stop thinking about how low i feel, only b/c it hurts to know you cared so much and was in love with someone and woulda done anything for them.. and then they just dnt care at all. and they can just tell you that they arent going to call you ever, and everyting after 5months,.. after all we've been thru. thats what hurts most... is knowing he meant everything to me.. and i meant nothing to him...
Til my Hearts Worthless

[15 Dec 2005|10:00am]
k.. well last night was funn

i hung out with matt. and it feels really good b/c im gaining all my friends back.
and i know brody's going to think 'shit' happend... but it really didnt so w/e.
but i guess that wouldnt matter ne more neways since, unfortunatly we broke up.

THANK GOD i was on the phone with the ONLY person who cheers me up, nick.
b/c if i wasnt i dnt think i coulda been as ok with it as i was. b/c yea i love brody with all my heart.. and i would do anything in the world for him..but it takes two to tango.. so i cant do it all alone and have him not feel the same. b/sides it actually feels pretty damn good. lol.. and im proud of myself.. i didnt shed ONE tear. lol.. see progress is great. it sucks how it happend tho,.. ovr txts.. and the night b/4 our 5months.. and b/4 christmas and everything.. and ovr s stupid reason.. but its all good.

Im SoOOO excited b/c nicks coming down on dec. 28. woot woot.. i miss him :( and i havent seen him in forever. thats my christmas present..

but back to last night.. me n matt went n saw phil at mcalisters and then went to petland and i saw THE CUTEST polmerainians.. i fell in love with it. *tear* but yea.. i have the best friends ever.. and i love them for everything they do for me,.. and being there...
like nick n brittany i lovee u guys bunchesss b/c yall made it soo much easier last night.. but si si senors thtas my life as of now..

nicks coming down...
and im single...
2 more beats Til my Hearts Worthless

[14 Dec 2005|08:43pm]
no call,... no text,... no nothing

he doesnt even wana hang out on our 5month anniversary.. :-\ <\3

hmm...why are guys so shallow that its okay for them to hurt the ppl that care about them most.?
2 more beats Til my Hearts Worthless

[14 Dec 2005|05:18pm]

Quote of the day: (thanks to matthew:)


Excuses are like tampons... every pussy needs one :)


sorry that just made me laughhh

Til my Hearts Worthless

[14 Dec 2005|03:31pm]
"I finally realized something about life. its not about how many people you impress. its not about how many friends you have, or how many people like you. its about the moments in your life that take your breath away. its about the moments where your speechless and the moment is so perfect theres no need for words. but from all this that ive realized, i think the most that stands out would have to be on love. love isnt the feeling that you need to be with someone. its when you smile during the time your with them. and when you realize that your crying thinking of the memories now that their gone. memories can be made, and shared. but a memory cant be forgotten. pain can also never be forgotten. but the worst thing of all in life to realize, is that you were in love, and they never loved you back"

hmm. im doing swell.. friends are great and enjoyable like alwys.. and schools going good.. grades are good.. so pretty much im all around doing good...

but then once again it comes to brody. and the quote above is how i feel. b/c no matter how much he says he cares, and loves me. his actions just prove himself wrong b/c if you care for someone,.. knowing that what your doing is hurting or upseting them, ud make sum kind of effort to make them happy. and more and more i find out brodys lying about the littlest things.. and idk what happend.. hes a great guy,. but im just pushed to the side thesedays.. and idk whats going on. i try to tell myself, that just like he says.. he needs space and some boy time. but thats not all it is. b/c i do that. but then it comes down to when we have plans and then he cancels them n makes up sum excuse, and then i get mad he flips out and says to back off.. and im likee sorrry.. i just wana see my b/f.. i mean i neverrrrr talk to him on the phone or nethng.. except for maybe 5min a day.. so if i cant ever get in touch with him or he doesnt have time to have a convo with me.. and then i nver can c him b/c "hes too busy" what kind of relationship is that..? and worst of all.. he knows it bothers me... but does he change it? no.. its actually progressin .. and idk what to do..... helppp pweass
3 more beats Til my Hearts Worthless

[09 Dec 2005|01:48pm]

hey there guyss....


join ^^^ that and create ur own neopet... itsss funnn and cute its like a WhoLe nother world.. :) lol so join join join now!!! all the cool kids are :-P

2 more beats Til my Hearts Worthless

[04 Dec 2005|12:37pm]
im sad. me and brody are kinda falling apart.
i dont know if i can take him living 20 minutes away, bc i never see him
and the times that i have have been shitty as fuck. and i hate it b/c he doesnt make too much of an effort to even see me. and the times i try and try to make plans and then i get mad when they get fucked up.. he gets mad and says i need to stop tryin to see him every second of the day. ive only seen him 2wice the past wk. and yea to some that may be alot. but it'd be diff. if those times were actually worth while. wednesday i spent only a few hours with him. and only 1 1/2 of those hours were prob. our only alone time. and hten andrew came ovr. which is fine.. but idk. i had to pay $15 to get a ride ovr thre. and what effort did he make? and friday we were suppose to get to gether after he got off work at 945... i didnt get picked up till 1130.. and then when i went with him they were fcked up and he barely even talked to me. i may be ovr reacting and i guess i should back off.. b/c its not all his fault.. i just feel like everything sucks with hme n him.. and idk wat to do. one of us needs to get a car. ASAP or else we might end forreal b/c i cant keep making all the effort to see him and then when shit doesnt work and i get upset he says i need to back off. ughhh idk..
2 more beats Til my Hearts Worthless

cute quizzes [21 Nov 2005|10:02pm]

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

discover your inner candy heart @ quiz me
Til my Hearts Worthless

[21 Nov 2005|02:52pm]


today sucked i was soooo tired and felt like crap. like 205748957230948 people asked if i was sick b/c i looked so bad :(... way to lower my self-esteem.. haha.. jk

umm.. ive been pretty good..

got a 3.0 on my report card which i def. wasnt expecting so WooT! :)

Got my paycheck,..which was a crappy $124, but then again pretty good for me. lol

me and brody are doing good♥ our 4months was thursday.

he was sweet and fixed my cellphone, got a new faceplate n stuff for me. <3 my phone looks brand new now.

although in the process of doing that he kinda messed it up, but idc b/c its the thought that counts. <3 i luvv that kid too much for my own damn good. :)

nick moved to NJ with brittany, so i prob. wnt ever see or hear from him again. but that has its pros and cons. so im not so worried.

only 2months till i get my license back :) yayayyyyy...

so all n all.. im doing good... but ima lay down.. i <3 you all




i♥my girls

1 more beat Til my Hearts Worthless

[17 Nov 2005|03:35pm]
this is soooo my song <333333

Michelle Branch "goodbye to you"

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last 3 10 years months were just pretend

And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

(bold are prts that areee so meee :) lol im so lammee
Til my Hearts Worthless

[15 Nov 2005|09:50pm]
So yea, im reading this book of kristina's "why mean love bitches"
B/c i took a quiz in it.. and apparently im TOO nice to the guys who treat me badly.. and if i wana make shit work with a guy, at least a guy like brody, i gotta be a bitch and not be needy ... so basically.. the only thing i love to dooo in a relationship. i cant. b/c im a fuckin hopless romantic.. that loves being in relationships and when im in one i love to do w/e i can for them.. b/c im just like thta.. and it always bitessss me in the ass b/c apparentlly guys dont like it. and when i think about it... i was a bitch to brody the wk he asked me out.. i was tlkng to another guy.. didnt barely call him,... and when i did i made it short n sweet.. and kept my distance. and now i got him.. :-\.. idk.. w/e.. i guess im too into him.. and i hate it more than ANYTHINGGGGG!! i really do.. i wish i didnt like him so much.. i wished i liked him as much as he likes me wich is only enough to be with me and say he loves me.. but yet he feels he can be just friends w/me w/o ne probs. b/c i cant do that.. i like him to much to be JUST FRIENDs. so yea... BITCH hereee i come lol. idk...

im not even going to complain about shit.. b/ci do it too much

so bye
Til my Hearts Worthless

[11 Nov 2005|01:09pm]
i love him.:)<3

me n brody had a LoNg Dramatic talk last nite. and i cried and cried in front of him. it twas quite embarassing.. but luckily idnt care b/c thats my comfortabilty i have with him. i was so sad and scared b/c i thought we were done. i was so upset and couldnt stop thinking about what i was losing. and i realize that whenever ppl ask me why im with him if he treated me badd,.. and now i know that there is so many things he does for me to keep me happy... that i cant be w/o him at least not now. but after i poured my heart out foolishly. we talked it out. and i still have my baby. and now i know how he feels, i know he does care about me and loves me. and thats all i needed.. but. im so happy with how things work out. and baby!!! we need to just open up to each other more... not have a night like last night.. but open up so we know whats on our minds so its not all built upp in us to wehre we let it all out last nite. lol

kk.. gtg

Til my Hearts Worthless

[10 Nov 2005|02:38pm]
well lets seee how have i beeenn? work sucks, school sucks, my family sucks, i never see my friendsss, except my lovely ones at school :) but otherwise i had a pretty shitty wk.. same old shits going on w/everything else (♥)... but i gotta goo peaceee
1 more beat Til my Hearts Worthless

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